A 4th to Remember (or lack thereof)

Things have been humming along the past two months.  I’ve mostly recovered from my injuries and I’m back in the game, finishing off last months backsquat cycle with 335lbs on my shoulders.  355 felt good, although I was stuck right at the halfway point and had to bail.  If I wasnt so tired I probably could have made the lift.  Not far off from my old record of 360, which Im happy about.  Tomorrow we start a new cycle…3 rep front squat, which I’m excited about, as I shine in these areas and it gives me something to focus on.

With the 4th of July around the corner, It had been almost 10 years since I got my hands on some fireworks.  I figured what the hell, lets make this one a bang (even though I really had no plans except to skip between 10 different bbq’s I was invited to).  With that said, I needed some new attire to spice up the old wardrobe.  Off to Lululemon I went.

For those of you who know what it is, its a bad addiction.  $260 later I walked out with two pairs of shorts and polos,  I raped my wallet for another $40 to get a sweet pair of matching Vans to go with them (still cant see myself in boat shoes just yet). A friend of mine just so happens to work in that store and I hadn’t seen her since she left my gym (story for another time).  Lets just say shes the type that’s never single.  Always with a guy, or just fucking him.  One or two guys in my gym have tapped it already, and she’s made several IOIs on me before but I chose not to pursue it in terms of better pussy.

While I was in the fitting room she ran out to get lunch, and was stuffing her face in the backroom when I checked out. My phone buzzed as I walked through the mall to my next destination.

Her: Hey it was good seeing you again, sorry Im stuffing my face in the back room. We don’t hang out often enough.  Lets get together soon!

I agreed that our time together had been limited but we should clear a day out to hit the beach, grab some beers, whatever.  My bedroom life had been lacking a bit (the sexy asian waitress from Martha’s Bakery ended up being a total dud in the sack, along with one other girl from the gym who had no idea how initiate foreplay…), and this girl was well traveled…why not see what she can do?  Not like I was looking to wife it up..

She replied back to me saying she doesnt do beer anymore, only hard liquors.  I had a bottle of Woodford Reserve Double Oaked Whiskey-Bourbon I was saving for the opportune time.  Sent her a pic of it and her response was immediate.

Yes!  Right up my alley 😉

Saturday morning I got my workouts in, showered up and grabbed lunch while I was out.  We bantered back and forth a little, before I ended up falling asleep reading Fearless (great book, go pick it up).  Work and gym coupled with lots of sidework at night had drained me and I needed to recharge my batteries.  I get a text from her around 5PM with a selfie of her drinking and sunbathing in her backyard, saying “you’re late” across the bottom.

In short order I was at her place, sipping my own drink of choice and relaxing topless, trying to get what remained of the sun for 2 hours.  She rambled on about guys on Tinder, her latest ex, one of the guys in the gym that went completely psycho on her and broke it off (after he went to her parents and asked if he could marry her..).

I managed a few “uh-huhs” and “that sucks” and after one particularly long rant (I was thumbing through POF and Tinder myself at that time), I turned to her with a sly grin and said “I missed that, can you start from the beginning? And speak louder this time, Im old ya know?”

She had that look in her eyes.  I poured myself another drink (keeping em small, or so I thought), and bantered at her remarks about into dating blonde guys with glasses (aka me), kept it high sexual in our responses.  Things were going good, she was lowering her defenses a bit.

“You’re more than welcome to stay the night, my bed is available but beware I do fart in my sleep”

I managed a short chuckle.

“Who knows, prolly breathing that in might kill whats left of my gym potential…besides which farts are we talking about??”

She laughed.  “Well the ones coming out the front might make you PR next time!”

Bingo.  Green light, Ghost Rider.

Our appetites soon got the best of us, so I fired up the bbq in the corner, she lit the tiki torches to keep the mosquitoes at bay, while remarking I looked quite manly tending to the grill.  She had changed out of her bikini bottom and into white sweats, which did nothing but accentuate her booty, which was a real handful.

“Your ass jiggles a lot, does it do that because you lift, or it was doing that before?”

“Both, and also Im not wearing any underwear.”

God how I wanted to slip them off right there.

She started getting a little feisty, she was on the phone for a bit arguing with her longtime friend who she decided to give a shot at being with (according to her, fucks like a jackrabbit and finishes inside of 30 seconds, doesnt know how to go down on her, etc), and she came over to mess with my bbq skills, to which I grabbed her by the shoulders forcefully, looked her in the eye, told her to can the attitude, be a good little girl and get back in the kitchen where you belong.  She acknowledged meekly, I turned her around, playful slap of her ass and sent her back inside.  She had mentioned she could never find a guy to let her be independent but at the same time putting her back in her place when she needed to be, and I was showing to her I was not going to let her run things.

As much as some people don’t like this drama, I was actually enjoying it for once.  A good buzz going on, good food cooking, and a hot ass that was all mine later.

Dinner was served a short time later, I grabbed one of the wings I had just cooked, bit into it, realized it was still a bit undercooked but said fuck it, I’m starving.  Next thing I know, not even 30 minutes later Im sitting on the toilet, room is spinning, I’m not buzzed enough to puke, yet I turn around and pretty much up-chuck everything I ate that day.  I knew it wasn’t liquor related because it certainly didnt smell like alcohol.  The TV was blaring in the living room so Im sure she didn’t hear my antics.

Washing my mouth out, I sauntered back to the living room to lay back and watch the rest of the Mets game while she talked to one of her friends on the phone.   That was the last thing I remember.

Nearly two and a half hours later, I wake up to the sound of fireworks going off.  Its after midnight at this point, and I had brought all the fireworks to her place to set off.  The box was half empty, I opened the front door to find two of her hot friends smoking and lighting my shit off.  Da fuck?

She asked me if I was ok, that she had kicked me 4 times on the couch and I didn’t move.  Her friends bailed at that moment, apologized for using my stuff, I just shook my head and went about looking for my shoes and my shirt.  She said if I wasn’t ok to drive I could stay the night on the couch, she was tired and had to be up for work early in the morning.  Her friendly character was gone, her replies curt and cold…..fuck that, the mood was gone, I had missed the boat.  I bid her good evening and left with my tail between my legs.  I might get another shot later on, but the hunt continues for other girls.  I have a family beer tour thing we are doing at the end of July, and my mothers boyfriend is trying to introduce me to a young single chick whos new to the Island, so we’ll see where that goes.

Happy Independence Day everyone.

Lessons Learned :

-Make sure when you bbq, its cooked or use a timer.  When you’re somewhat buzzed, it might seem like forever but in all reality I think I short changed the meat by quite a bit.

-Just because its the village bicycle, doesn’t mean its easy for you to ride too.

-If you’re trying to game a chick, or play along with her games or shit-tests, for the love of God control your alcohol intake.  You can go from confident and witty to a disgusting slob in one sip.  My Woodford Reserve that I had only promised to sip from?  Yea, three-quarters empty.  And she said I was the only one who drank it, she didn’t prefer the taste.  THATS A LOT OF BOURBON!

-When you’re old like me, you WILL lose a day after hardcore drinking.  I just don’t bounce back like I used to.  I spent most of Sunday sleeping, downing Gatorade and greasy food to cure the dizzyness, not to mention the shaking/uncontrollable diarrhea spouting from my rectum whenever it felt like it thanks to food poisoning.

-Should’ve went to see my Grandpa’s grave.  Been exactly a year today since he passed, I have not been since they laid him to rest.  Sorry Pops, I know you’re proud of me for getting into the same company that kept you well employed for 38 years, and I wish I had even a quarter of your sharp wit and funny remarks, and I shoulda went to see you instead of getting bent up and out of shape with some girl I have no desire in a long term future with.